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And yet somehow I thought he didn’t, even though I knew better because he would tell me everything he thought without embarrassment. Oh, Samuel was nervous, probably as much as he’d been in a decade. But his defining characteristic seemed to be wearing his thoughts like a cap, ready to tip the brim in anyone’s direction. It made it hard, yes, because I knew I would have to make the decision.An online personality is like a funhouse mirror reflection, they can be odd or unrealistic, or just a tiny bit different. It all depends on how the person chooses to stand. But I kept coming back to the thought that Samuel and Nicole angled their mirror as accurately as they could manage.And God, I enjoyed that reflection, but I would have to decide what happened. And I wasn’t particularly good at that, it was hard even with my established lovers. And hardest because whatever happened, he would handle it with his usual aplomb. I didn’t have to do anything with him or Nicole, we could just be. Girls do get fertilised and of course my love of bare-backing could and did lead to the birth of my own daughter, but here is the thing, no one told me of the increased libido effect, coupled with the man of your life slapping a celibacy order, some three months before I was due. I mean a lot of women don't really feel beautiful being all swollen and out of shape, horny and unloved by a husband now hiding on an oil rig offshore Aberdeen, thank goodness for the fact his daddy lived not too far off.There was a slight problem with that of course, there always is, he had a thing for me when we had first met, his wife, my husband's mother had past away about five years before and the night we came back to his, we had all been out drinking and in the taxi back, his daddy decided to revisit a woman's 'V', mine to be exact, he tried to finger me in the back of the cab and his son found out and we all were estranged for years, well my husband and his daddy were, myself, I had sexual fantasies.
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